There is A LOT of info flying around online right now. Do this, hurry up with that. It's your chance to achieve this. It's ok to want to punch the authors of all the cheerleading positive posts telling you to do things that you know but can't bring yourself to do. Here's a realistic account of how the crisis will unfold for a psychologically healthy individual.
"Day x of Quarantine: ‘I’m going to meditate and do body-weight training every day. I will finish 5 projects this week, I will create amazing content and finally finish my book.’
Day xxxx: ‘Why can’t I concentrate? I’m going to google how to deal with procrastination.’
Day xxxxxxx: (just pours the ice cream into the pasta bowl perched in front of unending Netflix parade)
Day xxxxxxxxxxxxxx: ….
Day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ‘ok, i’m bored of this now, what else is there’
Ignore all the productivity porn that’s being poured onto social media right now. Ignore your guilt over not being more productive. Ignore all the profoundly unrealistic to-do lists that are swarming in your mind right now.
Now more than ever you are called to abandon the performative and embrace the authentic. Embrace the process, which will be honest, raw, ugly, hopeful, frustrated, beautiful, and divine.
Here are some realistic (!) ideas on how you can look after yourself to emerge from the current crisis mentally and emotionally grown.
Acceptance
Accept that your and your days will not look like you envisioned in your planner. Accept that you will eat a lot. That you will gain weight. That you will be looking for online fitness plans. That you will fail to stick to them. Accept that you will feel down, and then hopeful, fearful and then indifferent, closed off and needy, full of energy and then completely unmotivated - possible all in the course of a day or two.
Ignore the pressure that you must be productive. Ignore all the online noise. Know that you are not failing. You are on your own journey. The best thing you can do for yourself is honour how you feel. It is perfectly normal and appropriate to feel bad and lost during this transition. It is actually a good thing that you feel bad and anxious. It means you are not shutting off from your emotions (which ALWAYS backfires in nasty ways)
Let yourself be slow.
Let yourself be distracted.
Let yourself be.
2. Security
Focus on things that make you feel calm, stable and secure. Physical and psychological security come first. Your priority should be making sure that you have all essentials. Identify your needs and put energy into meeting them. Ask yourself if it feels good to have some emergency plan. Really ask yourself, what will make me feel good right now? What will feel supportive.
Don’t put ridiculous expectations on your body or your mind. Again, it’s ok to drop off from your wellness regime. It’s ok not to be productive. To be productive you must feel calm and replenished, nourished, energised. You might not think that but worry, mood swings and fear are massive energy drains. You need to attend to your energy leaks first, then refill yourself, only then you will arrive at the state where you can start producing. Concentrate on things that give you pleasure and relax you. Don’t beat yourself up for anything at the moment. Things are difficult enough for you to be adding extra burdens on yourself. Your job is to unburden, remove the weights from yourself, identify what’s draining you and eliminate those drains.
3. Social support
There will be a lot of bullshit online now. There will be a lot of negativity. But there are always amazing opportunities to stay connected and supported. There is still a lot of useful and wonderful things that are going on. Just turn on your discernment. Find groups and chats that feel supportive to you. Create your own teams. Identify who might be vulnerable right now and give them your attention (if it does not feel like a draining chore).
*You can join our FB groups with regular online meet ups, dancing and movement sessions.
Women-only: https://bit.ly/2UHu5YK
Men and women: https://bit.ly/2x1h5US
4. Mental shift
Know that it will take time. Once you feel more secure and supported your mind and body will start adjusting. Soon you will start to crave challenges. Without pushing yourself too hard start introducing fun entertaining challenges to your mind and body. You may feel that you want to move now. Don’t immediately enrol yourself into a vigorous 6-week training course. Keep your movement routine light and enjoyable. Dance, jump around, stretch. Don’t even time yourself. You are not here to perform. You are here to gift to your body a gift of adrenaline, not a whip of punishment. It’s ok not to count reps, it’s ok to stop as soon as you feel ‘i can’t do it’. Where the normal advice might be ‘push through it, prove to yourself that you can do it’, this is not what you should be telling yourself in these times. You are in a marathon, not a race. Whatever you are doing has to be pleasurable enough for you to want to do it again. If you punish your body with hard workouts you are increasing the chances of you hiding out on the couch with a comforting tub of ice cream having again spiked your cortisol levels.
Mental shift that you are making is become more attuned to yourself. By now you probably would have become bored with social media scrolling and online fear mongering. You will start becoming clearer on which strategies for making yourself feel good are short term solutions after which you crash even lower, and which bring you more stable wellbeing. You will become more patient and more loving to yourself and others. You will start understanding that the success-thrifty voice is your head is not all of you, that listening to the voice hurts you in the long-run and that you are capable of coming up with other strategies than what the voice barks at you to do.
5. Find your new normal
On the other side of the shift, your wonderful, creative, resilient brain will be waiting for you. When your foundations are strong, when you feel more excited, when you feel you are bursting with creativity - now is the time to come back to projects. Still, don’t do what you SHOULD be doing. Don’t plunge into the boring tasks that you have been postponing for a long time. Do something that inspires you. Do what attracts you to this project at first place. Let your creativity pour out where it wants to, not where the logical business structures dictate. Soften your approach. Be less about the musts and more about the wants.
Gradually things will start to feel more natural. The work will not feel like heavy duty b!llshit any more. You will move onto more complex tasks. New ideas will start emerging. Use this time to feel into your passions to discover if there can be something new, unique you can deliver. There is a lot of copy-paste strategies, posts, offers in many industries. A lot of copycats are hurting precisely because they have not invested their time and energy is discovering and developing their uniqueness. Now is a chance to strip off yourself from the borrowed wisdoms. Don’t be afraid to undone what has already been created. Your dive into creativity and authenticity will undoubtedly be rewarded.
Remember that this is a marathon. Emotionally prepare for this crisis to continue for a long time, with a slow recovery to follow. If it ends sooner you will be pleasantly surprised. Love your struggle. Love your wins, small or big. Love that you are doing something, anything. Love that you are getting to discover new layers of yourself. And give love to others, they might be needing it more than they are letting on.
Thank you Aisha S. Ahmad for your thoughts and inspiration, which contributed to most of the insights in this article. @ProfAishaAhmad.
____________
If you find it difficult, overwhelming to deal with your emotions, if you feel like you are stuck in apathy or would like some support in understanding how you can create and stick to supportive routines, please get in touch for a free consultation.
shadow.psychology@gmail.com
About the author:
I have 10+ years psychology practice; PhD in psychology, certification in psychosomatic psychology and several eastern practices such as yoga therapy, women's yoga, tantra. My focus is on all things psychologically dark (procrastination, apathy, self-doubts, fears, break-down, anxiety, relationship issues etc).