First off, we are wired to think negatively. On average a person has 60 000 thoughts a day, 46 000 (!!) are negative. We are negative Nancies by design, programmed to scan for dangers in the environment. A negative thought per se is not a problem. It becomes a problem when we begin to drown identifying ourselves with (inaccurate) self-defeating ideas. It becomes a problem when instead of experiencing a situation, a person, life, we come to it pre-loaded with negative expectations and tainted assumptions (he’s going to fuck me over, I’m going to fail). It’s a problem when you stop seeing daily miracles and blessings.
I’m adamantly against good-vibes-only insipidness, but I’m equally against shit-vibes-only gloom. It’s not the negative thinking I’m calling you to embrace. It’s the realistic thinking. Empowered thinking.
Empowered thinking acknowledges the pain, it allows the negative to be felt. It does not try to mask it with the positive or suppress it. Suppressing the negative is how we end up with a society addicted to pills, alcohol, comfort eating, comfort fucking and other out of control distraction patterns. By pushing away negative emotions we gradually sentence ourselves to overall numbness. Positive thinking obsession leaves you vulnerable to the inevitable shit storms. It’s ironic, but good things, good problem-free life doesn’t make people happy. 90% of my clients are extremely successful and well-off.
I believe that 'stay positive!' mantra is pushing people into inauthentic superficial lives. Are you comfortable living among fake smiles plastered on everyone's faces? People asking you same basic questions without the tiniest of interest in what you actually have to say, kind of just waiting for their turn to speak to impress you with their achievements and clever thoughts?... Personally I feel much more at ease with people who are able to get deep and dark, and who can hold me in my depth and darkness.
Learning to deeply feel and withstand any pain is what makes you an agile energised super(wo)man. Remember Scarlett O’Hara’s ‘I will never be hungry again’? As she’s crying from exhaustion and humiliation and hunger, the southern belle is empowering herself to take her fate into her own hands. Empowered thinking is infused with confidence that you will ace any crappy situation that comes your way. Empowered thinking contains an element of positive thinking, but it takes it further. Instead of sitting around on your ass positively convincing your self that shit aint that bad, you actually go to the pain and figure out what you can change in your life not to have this situation ever again. This makes you comfortable riding riding any chaos, it gives you the ability to smile at and with your pain.
Empowered thinking is a self-aware conscious approach. It’s about not getting caught up in either positive or negative - not chasing rainbows and not running away from shadows. It means standing your ground and experiencing all that comes with gratitude.
I am grateful for everything that universe has given to me, and I am grateful to everything it has taken away from me.